Exiting The War Zone

"The Very first moment I beheld him, my heart was irrevocably gone."

I saw this Jane Austen quote on a picture frame at my mom's house and did a little swoon. Then I really thought about it. Looking back, this is exactly how I feel. At the time, I don't know that it felt that way in those first few days! In fact, I'm probably sugar coating it for fear of judgement. I didn't feel like that at all. You can read the story of his birth on my previous blog post, which vastly contributed to taking some time to get to know this little dude. 

Before you freak out, I am 112% obsessed with my son. He gives me more joy than I ever knew was possible. Everyone says you can't understand the amount of love you feel for your child until they are born, and it is absolutely true. However, it took me some time.

I wrote 3 different blog posts during the first 3 months of his life, only 1 of which I published (the others were named "Guacamole for Breakfast and an Identity Crisis" and "Holy Crap I'm a Parent" if you were curious). I look back on them from time to time to remember how far we've come. Those first few months were overwhelming to put it gently. I was terrified out of my mind. My entire family was 500 miles away and when our son was 2 weeks old, my husband had to go back on tour Monday-Friday (Sometimes home on Saturday and leaving again on Sunday). We had help come and go, but holy crap was I terrified. Some days I felt like I was barely keeping my head above water. Those weeks when I was totally on my own were dark. I won't go into details, but it was not something I'll look back and think that they were the happiest days of my life, not by a long shot. Those were the days that tested me to my limits. The great part about it was it really showed me what I was capable of. It showed me that I could handle much more than I ever thought possible. Looking back, I feel like I need to give myself some sort of medal for surviving that on my own. Props to single moms, holy cow you are Saints and Olympians rolled into one.

I knew in my heart I loved this little baby, but it was hard to see past the exhaustion and fear to fully grasp that love. Everyone promised "those first couple of months are hard but it gets better quickly," but its so hard to believe! I can remember one entire day (he was exactly 3 weeks old to the day) that he did not stop crying all day. All day. At one point I strapped him in his swing and went and sat in the shower and cried. I felt so ill equipped. I felt like a failure. I thought there was absolutely no way I was ever doing this again, and people with more than one child were insane.

I was listening to my favorite radio show the other day (shout out Bobby Bones) and they had a segment about the best day of their lives. Most gave answers about their weddings and children's births, and it got me thinking. If I was being honest, his birthday was not the best day of my life. It was terrifying, painful, emotional, and terrifying again. Then I felt like I huge piece of crap. I mean who says the birth of their child wasn't the best day of their life? Looking back, it absolutely is! The day he entered my life will always be the greatest because I can't imagine my life without him!

However, in the moment, was that the greatest day? If I'm being honest, no. So what was? Easily it was the day I first saw him smile (a real smile mind you, not gas in his sleep). I was sitting on the couch holding him across my body and I thought he was asleep. I randomly looked down and was just staring at me. He all of a sudden started grinning at me. That was the first day I felt like a mom, that was the greatest day of my life.

When we crossed that line from sleeping or crying (no in between) newborn to happy smiling loving baby everything changed. His smile is the greatest most infectious thing ever. That smile makes me want 10 more of him! (Note that is absolutely not going to happen, however I can at least fathom the thought of him not being an only child now).

We live in a world of peoples' "social media lives." No one posts pictures of the diarrhea all over the wall and in your hair. No one posts videos of their baby crying 13 hours a day. I'm just as guilty because we want to share the happy times, especially when friends and family are so far away!
Case in point... the stomach virus

 I say all this to everyone who didn't stand over the crib and cry the night you came home from the hospital because you loved them so much. If you stood over the crib and cried because you didn't know what the hell you were doing and you felt anxious and overwhelmed and terrified, this is for you. It absolutely gets better.

So far 4 months is definitely my favorite stage. I'm writing this to myself who in 2 months will probably be going crazy because he is in to everything! He's definitely making up for those first few months that he refused to be put down and would scream for no reason for hours! He grins every time he sees me and will just sit and hang out with us. He lovesss when I kiss him and it already makes me sad for the day when I know he won't like it anymore!

Being his mom is the greatest adventure of my life, and the war zone that was the first few months was 100% worth it. It was worth every second! I once wondered if everyone was full of crap with the whole love at first sight thing, but I'll have to agree with you Jane...my heart is irrevocably gone!

Vietnam

Today sucked. There is no better way for me to put it. Jacob left to go back on radio tour. I am incredibly proud of all he has accomplished and that he gets to live his dream every day. That being said, I wasn't ready for him to leave again. Radio tour is Sunday or Monday through Friday or Saturday every week. This means he will only be home for max 2 days for another month or so. This is hard to swallow when you have a 2 week old and the hormones of a 14 year old on crack. My sister sent me the greatest email to show me I'm not alone in the misery of the first two weeks, or Vietnam as she calls it. Below is her email, whether she likes it published or not. It was too perfect not to share.

"The first few weeks of being a mother.  It's full of peaceful babies sleeping soundly on your chest, trying on tiny little precious baby clothes, and precious bath times.  Well this is the lie instagram tells you.  For me, it was more like some sort of war zone where you seriously wonder how you ever thought this whole "parenting" thing was something you were equipped for.  In the middle of the second week, I remember texting several friends who had babies asking "whyyyy did you not tell me it was going to be like this?"  I was literally convinced everyone on Earth had these little angel babies and mine just hated me as a person.  My friend Kim in particular was one of the first messages.  She has twins.  2 of these things to deal with.  HOW.  No really, I want to know.  Her response was one that seemed across the board with my friends, and one that I am now the proud owner of.  You forget.  I don't know if it's some weird sort of PTSD where that part of your memory curls up in the fetal position in your brain and refuses to be touched, or if it's like Kim said, and it really is God's way of making sure you have more kids.  I'm writing this down to hope that it'll make you smile while holding your fussy little meatball and know without a doubt that the really fun stuff is lurking right around the corner.

1. You will access some freak part of your brain that allows you to be perfectly awake when you have not slept in days.  Seriously, this is a superpower or something that must have come from radioactive spider somewhere.  It's impressive.  That being said, after about the first 10 days, that wears off and you look and feel the exact amount of tired you are. 

There were days I totally forgot to brush my teeth, and times when I would get out of the shower and seriously wonder if i actually washed my hair.  I remember telling Jacob one night I was so tired I physically hurt.  I wasn't exaggerating. They literally torture people by keeping them awake for days on end, and not only are you expected to do this, you're supposed to be in charge of another life.  The good news is that as soon as the baby starts sleeping stretches of 4-5 hours, you'll feel like you got a week's worth of sleep.

2. You may not really like your baby at the beginning.  I mean, you'll love him/her and know full well you'd commit murder for them, but you may not really like them.  This is OK.  You're sleep deprived, they're crying all the time, and you haven't been puked on this much since college.  My wonderful pediatrician put it in these terms.  The first 6 weeks are the hardest because they take a lot from you, but give nothing back.  This is so true.  The baby doesn't interact, doesn't smile, and it's questionable if they can tell you from Trigger (my dog).   If you're baby is anything like mine, there will be a lot of crying, and a lot of frustration why you can't make it stop.  Remember this, babies have immature nervous systems.  If they get too stimulated, what ensues is comparable to an Irish banshee.  Just bad.  There was one day where she started crying when she woke up, and didn't stop until she went to bed.  All I could do was put her in the stroller, put on a ball cap, and walk around the neighborhood and cry too.  Good news:  this is very temporary.  It definitely doesn't feel like it at the time, but by 6 weeks the baby actually smiles aside from gas.  This is a game changer.  Side note:  I am a fan of the pacifier.  Baby is fed, changed, burped and still screaming, I had no problem plugging up that little gullet with a soothie.  Never experienced any confusion either, big girl always knew where her meal was coming from.

3.  Hormones are real and worse than you could imagine.

 I mean your crying will rival that of a 16 year old throwing a fit because she didn't get her super sweet 16 MTV promised.  I'm not a crier.  I cried a lot.  Emotional meltdown when my mom left.  Emotional meltdown when baby went on a hunger strike and decided she couldn't be bothered with the work of breastfeeding.  Emotional meltdown that I had a healthy baby and I was complaining about all of the above.  It's just really hard to manage this heightened sense of emotions.  You will start crying because you're so ready for your baby to just fall asleep already, then cry more because you realize they are only this little for a while, and you want to cherish it (but you actually hate it).  Men: beware.  You will never say anything right, and you'll think they slipped us some of what Dr. Jeckyl took while we were in the hospital .  Your job is simple.  Help as much as you can.  Never complain about being tired (this is what the guys in your office are for).  Tell us how pretty we are (covered in sweat, baby vomit, no shower for 2 days and definitely no hair brush).  Take any/all abuse we throw at you because it's just not our fault.  Good news.  About 4 weeks in you should feel that you have control over yourself again, and although you still feel a little emotional, the hurricane that just occurred has ended.  That being said, there is a real difference between baby blues and real PPD.  My doctors really glazed over this in my appointments so you have to be your own advocate.  There is NO shame in admitting you're feeling worse than you think you should.  In no way does this mean you are less of a parent.  I'm a firm believer in modern medicine (read I'll have an epidural please), so I do believe things happen at a cellular level in the brain with regards to depression.  When's the last time you controlled anything at your cellular level? Answer: never.  Sometimes things are bigger than you are and need outside help.

4.  Accepting help does not make you a bad mom.  In case you haven't noticed a theme, my recurring thought throughout the first few weeks was that certain decisions would mean I was inadequate as a parent and people would judge me for it.  I tried to do everything.  Once Jacob went back to work, I even felt guilty letting him get out of bed to change a diaper at night.  This just does not work.  If you have help available, always say yes.  ALWAYS.  I was so very lucky.  My mom and mother in law are Saint Pamela and Saint Brigette respectively.  They really got us through those first few weeks, and are still doing it.  It was hard for my type-a perfectionist self to admit I couldn't do it all, but once I just gave in and let my mom take the baby for 2 hours early in the morning so I could sleep a little longer, I felt like a weight was lifted.  Through this process you have got to take care of yourself.  I realized I couldn't be the amazing mom I wanted to be if I didn't occasionally get a good nap, or just spend some time sitting in a chair not trying to console a baby.  Happy mom really does mean happier baby.

5.  Breastfeeding is a son of a bitch.  There.  I said it.  There is no subject more polarizing and more full of judgement than this.  You will get very bad advice from both ends of the spectrum.  Some people will tell you how horrible it is and to give up quickly or not to try because it's so bad.  Others will tell you that you're literally hurting your baby by not breastfeeding until age 2.  I like to think I fall in the middle.  I think everyone should try.  Breast milk is no doubt the best thing for your baby.  That being said, if you're struggling to the point of teetering on depression, or you're baby is failing to thrive, seek help.  Talk to your pediatrician.  Call your hospital's help line.  Try the LLL.  If you just can't make it work for you, IT IS OK.  Again, (sticking with the theme here) it doesn't make you less of a mom.  Trust your instincts.  I think the stopping point is different for everyone, even baby to baby.  At 8 weeks I decided it was time to cut back in preparation for going back to work (list of reasons here but that will suffice) and in preparation for getting on a plane the next week.  We successfully cut down to just nursing at morning and night, and had absolutely no difficulty.  For me, the most content I have ever seen my child happened immediately after her first bottle with 1/2 formula.  It confirmed my decision that it was the right time.  Again, its different for everyone, but my biggest advice is don't let anyone pressure you when you feel you're doing what's best for your child.  You want to supplement in the hospital, fine.  You want to breastfeed your 4 year old on the subway?  Fine.  Lets just all stop judging and making moms feel guilt, we have plenty that comes from within.

Overall for us, the 6-8 week mark was magic.  That's when the personality really started coming out, when she started sleeping through the night, and when we finally had periods of wakefulness that didn't solely include crying. 

Some people do have a terribly easy time.  Some people have it even harder than I did.  My utmost respect goes out to those people who are doing it alone, live away from family, or have a child with special needs.  I do believe God's grace is sufficient, and that lots of prayer will absolutely get you through the roughness to the part where you begin to really enjoy the wonderful 180 your life has just done.  Upward and onward to the struggles that will begin as time goes on....daycare next week (someone put me on suicide watch), teething, potty training, and high school prom."

Thanks to my sister for keeping it real and helping me understand that it's not just me. Hopefully this makes some other people laugh and helps them to feel a little less alone during Vietnam as well.

Holy Crap We're Parents

Warning...This is the story of Sutton's birth. There might be some details that you never needed to have, but I wanted to keep it real. It's also super long, so you have been warned! Lots of my friends have asked about how everything went, and functioning on 2 hours of sleep makes responding to texts low on the priority totem pole. I also included some things I learned through this process, which will hopefully help someone else out!

For months (after having a front row seat to my sisters c-section) I begged my doctor to just let me go in for one. The whole thought of labor terrified me, plus I had no confidence I could actually birth a child. Side note- turns out I couldn't. Despite my whining and moaning she didn't budge, and the day after my due date, we went in for an induction.

These people have no idea what they're in for...but does anyone really?

Walking into the hospital that morning, I can only describe my emotions as a dorky 5 year old walking into kindergarten for the first time. You know there's no way you're getting out of going into this building, but every instinct is telling you to run home. I was terrified and cried a little. Let's keep in mind here that I am a classic over reactor and incredibly dramatic, so if you have not had a bambino don't let that scare you too much.

Around 7am I was hooked up to all kind of monitors and the party got started. They broke my water immediately and then told me scary news #1 for the day. Sutton decided to go ahead and poop before he came out, so there was meconium swimming around in there with him. We were informed we wouldn't hear him cry when he was born so they they could make sure to clear his airways. Cue emotional breakdown #2 for the day. No one wants to hear from the get go even the smallest thing is wrong.

 I made it until about 10am without asking for the good drugs, I was pretty proud of myself. They asked me a few times if I was ready, but I wanted to "feel labor" for some idiotic reason. To anyone who thinks they can do it without the drugs... more power to you. When my contractions were lasting a minute each and were only 2 minutes apart, let me just tell you that this labor business is no joke.

So I got the drugs. They asked me if a student could do my epidural. I refrained from cursing at the nurse that asked, which I considered a win. The lovely nurse who did the epidural missed the first time, so I got to experience that fun twice. Despite this discomfort, it was welcomed. I proceeded to watch a Pretty Little Liars marathon for the next several hours, because I am a 15 year old trapped in a 28 year old's body. After the epidural you can't feel anything, so it's pretty easy going.

Let me just say that our little meatball has been a bit on the lazy side from the get go. At 38 weeks I had an ultrasound he refused to wake up for, so they hooked me up to all kind of monitors and scared the crap out of me...just to tell me he was only sleepy. He continued onto his path of being dramatic like his mom throughout the day. As soon as I got the epidural, my blood pressure decided to hit the floor (which is common). They brought in the nice lady with the drugs, and she gave me something to help that, which made it go up too high. "Short people are just hard to regulate"... sorryyyyyy for that lady. Well during this process Sutton's heart rate decided to play a game of hopscotch. At one point it got so low the nurse called in my doctor and the doctor on call in the hospital. At this point I was hysterical, even my sister (the normally emotionless one) was crying. Just as my doctor, who literally sprinted from her office across the street, arrived they got him to wake up. At this point I had already had 3 emotional breakdowns and it was only 2pm. I started begging for them to just get him out where they could take care of him, and again... my lack of Md lead them to ignore me. Instead, they just gave me a sweet oxygen mask to wear...which did not include the laughing gas that I asked for.

Around 4:30 or 5, I really have no idea what time, my sister started pacing around the monitors looking all serious. This is never a good sign. The nurse came in and told me Sutton's heart rate had now gone way up and was staying up. I also decided to spike a fever which was fun. At this point, I was totally over it. I had been at 6 cm for 3 hours, so this little guy was refusing to play it cool. My doctor came in and set on my bed and told me she thought the c-section I asked for since 30 weeks was our best bet. (Told ya so). Now, you'd think I would've been happy. Nope, panic attack. Started again balling uncontrollably. (If you haven't caught onto a trend here, I don't handle stress and hormones well at all...I feel really bad for my nurse Sarah Beth, who was great). All of a sudden there were 10 people in my room all asking me questions and talking over one another and it totallyyyy freaked me out.  Here is Jacob after they wheeled me out...he missed the meltdown completely.

In the OR, I finally calmed down when the nurses started complimenting my toenail polish. I guess I just needed something to take my mind off of the fact that I was about to be ripped open. Now, they tell you you don't feel pain, just "tugging"...HA. If tugging means you're pretty sure someone is standing on the bed pulling your abdomen across the room, then sure. I made a huge mistake at this point by telling them I could feel pain on my left side (probably due to the whole 2 epidural thing). My lovely anesthesiologist right by my head wasn't about to let me feel anything, so she told me she was giving me something that "might make me sleepy". Understatement of the century. Luckily, I remember hearing Sutton cry (and I started crying again, only this time happy tears), and that is about it. Apparently I was pretty coherent here, but unfortunately I don't remember. 

As all of our family met our baby for the first time, I was unconscious (snoring according to my sister, thanks) in the corner. This absolutely broke my heart. I remember fighting the sleepiness and trying to look at him. I had my sister walk up and then back so I could try and focus on him opening 1 eye at a time, no luck. It would be about 2 hours until I could actually process the person I gave birth to. I would've much rather felt some pain than missed this, but we made up for lost time. I have the most beautiful little boy in the world, and no, it's not up for debate!

I hate that his birth story isn't a unicorns and butterflies story, but I wanted to share it because I was only prepared for some of the scariness based on stories my friends (or random pinterest blogs) told me. The 3 nights in the hospital weren't a breeze either, but I'll spare you those details. Here's some things I would highly recommend though if you are having a baby any time in the near or not so near future.

• Don't freak out. Take it from me, have someone with you that can calm you down and not over react and scare you even more. My husband is great, but I really needed my sister there. She just went through this process 10 weeks ago, and she is pretty much the most level headed person I know. Along with this, don't plan to have a room full of people when you're in labor, unless you think you can handle it. Things can get dramatic quickly, and if you have a ton of people it can scare them, which will scare you. I didn't let my sister or Jacob tell anyone what was going on until after, because I couldn't handle anyone else being as worried as I was.
• Over share time: Invest in these 2 gems, especially if you have a c-section. DO NOT attempt to put on in the hospital while your belly is still super tender. I made this mistake and it was terrible. The day after we got home I put them both on and wear them 24/7. It seriously helps with shrinking your tummy and helping you sit up, sit down, and pick up the baby with your incision. I think it would still be great for a vaginal delivery as well.
  
• Send your baby to the nursery. A lot of people disagree with this, but you cannot heal (and no matter the route you will be healing) if you aren't sleeping. The nurses will bring the baby back when they are hungry, but you need some rest! One of my nurses made it clear she didn't support this, and it was really hard for me to ask for them to take him. The first night I was so out of it they had to. The second night I felt bad asking so I literally did not sleep. AT ALL. The pediatrician came in around 7am and I was balling (seriously, notice a pattern). She told me to send him and not feel bad about it. 
• Bring a paci to the hospital. They will not give you one, and they will tell you not to use it for 2 weeks. However, when they are screaming at 3am and not hungry, you'll be glad you did. Again, if you really disagree... don't bring one. I just know I found it helpful, and I have several friends who were breast feeding that did as well.
• If you feel like your baby is extremely hungry, don't be upset if you need to supplement. My awesome pediatrician also recommended this. Our little boy was having plenty of diapers, but I knew from his screaming something was wrong. Turns out he lost more than 12% of his body weight in the hospital, which is more than normal. When I asked the nurse to give him a little formula to supplement, she literally argued with me and I had to push the issue, which is upsetting. We started supplementing at night and he gained back 10 oz in 4 days. Breast feeding is fantastic, but it doesn't make you a bad mom if its not going 100% according to plan and you need to change things up! I've had to end up only pumping and giving bottles and a little formula at night.
• Ask for help and stay on top of your pain medicine. My wonderful nurse Heather...shout out you were amazing, wrote on my dry erase board what time I could have each drug next. If she didn't come in I would always call. There were a couple of times when I missed a dose in the middle of the night because I was too tired to call...bigggg mistake. She also made me feel like I wasn't crazy when I cried and actually hugged me when I was having a breakdown. She was just so sweet and calm and it's exactly what I needed. Not all nurses are as great as Heather.

Basically, don't be scared to do what YOU think is best if your baby and yourself. You are also in the hospital as a patient, and you need to follow your instincts. It's like your wedding day, something is bound to go not according to plan, and you just have to roll with the punches, because at the end of the day you will have a perfect tiny human being who you will love more than anything. You will be overwhelmed and feel under prepared, but its crazy how naturally everything will come.

Nursery!

The nursery is finally complete! As soon as we found out Sutton was a boy, I knew I wanted a Louisiana theme! Hey, if he can't live there he should at least know where he's from :)

Click here for the fat belly bump picture and the update on life!

The lamp, curtains, and laundry hamper are Pottery Barn and the table is Target! One of my best friends, Kim Swart, made this bulldog when she worked at Tech! I obviously had to include it in the nursery!

Our crib was previously owned by my sweet friend Chelsea! The chair and blanket are Pottery Barn and the pillow is from Townsend House in Ruston. It has a little heart where Ruston is on the map :)

Of course he had to have a monogram, but I tried to make it manly ;) All of his bedding is from Pottery Barn!

Of course Trigger had to be in a picture. He stood and posed like this until I took the picture, and then he walked out. Heaven forbid he be left out!

The bear on the bookshelf was given to us at StorkVision of Nashville when we found out Sutton was a boy! If you squeeze it, you hear his heartbeat when he was 15 weeks! The owner actually graduated high school with my dad at Ruston High! Sometimes the world is crazy small! 

Love this frame that Aunt Michelle bought!

I saw this quote on Pinterest and fell in love with it! I'm sure we don't even understand how true this is yet!

Stop Being Jerks

So the other day, I saw something on Facebook that really irritated me (shocking, I know). I waited a few days because I felt like I've ranted about a lot of things during pregnancy, but this one really stuck with me and bothered me. It was a simple question posted by someone I don't know, I happened to see if because one of my Facebook friends commented. The question read "two piece swimsuit eight months pregnant, yes or no."

Well being eight months pregnant currently, I obviously had to click. I should probably disclose that at this moment I'm driving 8 hours in a car with a husband who purposely downloaded karaoke versions of songs to sing the entire way, so my state of mind isn't fantastic. However, still several days later the comments bothered me deeply. Why is this even a question? Why do you even care what someone else is wearing? Some simply said yes or no, and some were straight up butt holes (to use my big girl words).

First off, if you are a man, you have absolutely nothing to say in this argument, and many were, including the poster. Can you grow a freaking human being in your body? No? Oh that's what I thought... So end of discussion. No one would EVER dream of telling a man with a beer belly to "cover up" or "put a shirt on" at the beach! Why? Because that's straight up rude.

This brings me to my second point. Men and women of the world, you're perfectly fine showing off a few extra pounds of McDonalds at the beach, so why in the world would a woman growing a human being be expected to cover up? It's a freaking miracle that's happening over here... Not just too much sodium at lunch. If anyone should be embarrassed, it's not the latter.

Last, women of the world, can we agree to give each other a mother freaking break?! A woman actually commented "at home it's ok but you should cover that up in public". Are you kidding me?! I'm going to assume you have terrible self esteem because no woman should ever shame a pregnant woman for the way she looks. We should be supporting one another and encouraging each other, not making women feel as though something is wrong with them for the dang miracle of life. Women are the harshest critics of other women, we've known this for a while. But MAN wait until you're pregnant... It goes to a whole new level.

Ok, now I feel better. Sorry if my blog posts are obnoxious, but I decided to just tell it like it is. No one prepares you for the rudeness of others during pregnancy. As my wise sister said hours after giving birth "man, pregnancy just kinda sucked... But this is what makes it all worth it" as she held my extremely perfect in every way niece (fact).

Until that moment, I will continue to entertain you with my hormonal rants of an 8 month pregnant person who has a little boy trying to break her ribs daily. ;) I will also continue to wear a two piece until I (there's the only word that matters in this sentence) feel uncomfortable and don't want to.

Week 28

The 3rd trimester has been good to me in the first week, mainly because I no longer have to work and can nap whenever I dang well please! This is probably the last time in my life this will happen, so trust me, I am enjoying it! Click here for all of the fatty baby belly pics ;)

Sutton is measuring at exactly 28 weeks and is perfect! In her words, however, "dang, he is up there, I mean he is really high in your ribs". Thank you, I hadn't noticed! *By hadn't noticed I mean I'm fairly certain one of my ribs is consistently bruised!

On a fantastic note, probably as a product of this child hanging out in and around my ribs, my acid reflux has been off the charts. I've had this for as long as I can remember and its like it took steroids and hung out in some nuclear waste to get 1 billion percent worse. I finally got a glorious prescription that has basically eradicated my acid reflux completely, which is the greatest gift I could've received...besides cupcakes.  I mean, waking up covered in vomit and only sleeping 20-30 minutes at a time was fun and all, but I'm pretty pumped that's over for now. I've also been having Braxton Hicks contractions which are just real weird. I get them almost every night now. I google a lot to make sure I'm not dying or in labor or something.

I also turned 28 on Saturday. That just seems real old guys. I knowwww if you're reading this and you're over the age of 30 you are saying cuss words at me right now, but 28 is just very close to 30. Now, there is nothing wrong with 30, it's just that I don't feel a day over 23 and I'm just really not sure how that happened or what really occurred during the last 5 years. I also had a grey eye brow situation happen, which I may have cried about. My day of birth...27 weeks 5 days preggo.

All in all we are getting really excited for Mr. Sutton's arrival. I still feel 100% unprepared to be fully responsible for keeping a human being alive and making sure he turns out to be a decent human being and stuff...I'm hoping everyone feels like this. If not, please do not call DCFS on me, I promise I'll get my life together in the next 2 1/2 months. 

Also, I'm pretty nervous given my husbands current occupation of being the most awesome drummer in existence, that he will be away when I go into labor. I have been promised if he is, they will get his hiney back here asap, but I reallyyyyy do not want to experience even a tiny part of this without him. So if you wouldn't mind, say a little prayer or 12 that Sutton's entrance into this world will not be 1/10th as dramatic as his mother is.

Anywho, all and all May has been a great month and I can't wait for my niece's arrival any day now! 

The Second Trimester

So Monday marks the end of the second trimester! I can't believe my due date is in exactly 3 months! I reallyyyyy can't believe that in 3 weeks or less I will have a niece! I can't wait to spoil her! Pregnancy has been weird for me, and I think it's different than a lot of people expect it to be!

Highlights of weeks 12-26:

• Obviously finding out we were having a little boy at week 15! Storkvision in Nashville is awesome, seriously.
• Finally naming said little boy about 2 weeks later
• Seeing him again at week 20 and since he was so uncooperative getting to see him again at week 25!
• Around week 23 really feeling him kick and around week 24-25 actually seeing him move! Super weird
• Highlights also include being tired and having acid reflux so bad I randomly throw up on myself in my sleep. Pregnancy isn't as glamorous as stupid Kristin Cavallari makes it out to be kids. ;)

I won't lie, I've felt a little disconnected from pregnancy up until a couple of weeks ago. It wasn't until about week 23 that I really started to feel him kick (like I'm positive that wasn't my digestive system it was a kick, kick). We also weren't able to start putting everything into his room until yesterday, which lead to the "is this really for real feeling". I never felt the 2nd trimester "burst of energy" and started feeling great like most people say. Either they are liars, or I am weird. Either way, I have still felt like a nap at any moment and cranky as an old man. All that being said, now that we've been able to start actually preparing, it all feels real! I've been so excited the last few days putting things together! Jacob has been gone basically the entire month of May, so it was really special to get to paint and put together furniture yesterday.

Also, pregnancy does weird things to your mind. I'm just speaking for myself, but you do not feel cute (note- getting a spray tan did help significantly, no my baby shower pics aren't just the "pregnancy glow"). No matter how many people tell you how good you look, it's still very hard to look in the mirror and embrace what you see! It also doesn't help that other people feel the need to make down right rude comments. I've been saying this basically since day 1, but please think before you speak! Pregnant women feel all kinds of emotions, and most of the time your comments aren't necessary. For example:

• "wow you're showing so soon"- thanks a ton, that makes me super excited to gain the 25 more pounds I need to gain for my baby to be healthy
• "you must be having a girl, you're carrying wide"= nope it's a boy but I appreciate your non medical opinion on my body
• "I don't know how you're going to get any bigger!"- see #1...who wants to hear this when then KNOW they have to get a lot bigger?!
• "You have to be about to pop!"- nope, 3 months left but thanks for making me feel huge.

I've had close friends and my sister tell me even worse stories! A jerk of a man told one of my friends she didn't need the icee she was buying because her baby was about to fall right out. Are we serious right now, sir? Also, NEVER and I mean NEVER under any circumstances refer to a pregnant woman as fat, even in a joking way! This followed up with "oh you know what I mean" in no way makes it better. Guess what, that's exactly how it feels sometimes. Basically everyone has some story of some rude, thoughtless person who hurt their feelings when they were pregnant. I go back to my very first pregnancy post rule of thumb. If it's a compliment (you're so cute), fantastic! If it's a comment (I just don't know how your belly is going to get any bigger), keep it to yourself.

I will say, I recently got over my phobia of people touching my belly. Someone asked (good etiquette) to touch my belly. She told me she couldn't get pregnant and loved to feel other people's bellies. This really hit me hard. It's truly amazing what your body can do, I mean I'm growing a freaking human being! Sometimes that significance gets lost on me. I get so carried away in everything else that I don't stop and realize what a miracle all of this really is. Don't get me wrong, I don't love people rubbing me, but this dude is pretty cool already and I'm good with sharing him every now and then. :)

On a positive note, some amazing friends also threw us a perfect baby shower! It was precious and we can't thank everyone enough for their love and support!

Thank you Nancy Whittenburg for an amazing cake!!!

Pregnancy glow brought to you by a spray tan by a dude named Steve (seriously)

Root beer and bow ties, because obviously.

The most amazing shower hostesses ever

Jacob's Mummy (his great- grandmother) Sutton's middle name is after her husband Davis.

My wonderful mother in law and sister in law! Just missing Aunt Shelley!

Lily Cate at 35 weeks, I can't waitttttt to spoil her! She's named after our great grandmother on my dad's side and the best aunt she could ever ask for ;)

My mom and grandmother 

My besticle and Sutton's future wife, Sally Jean Avinger. No, they do not have a choice. They just need to embrace it from early on. 

I'm going to be someone's mom soon....

Sutton Davis

I haven't updated our blog since we found out we were having a little boy! I finally looked at a snapshot of the last 23 weeks, and it's so cool to be able to see the belly grow! Notice I said cool, even though it hurt me a little because watching yourself get big is the least fun thing I've ever done! It will all be worth it when a healthy little boy is here though!

About 6 weeks pregnant when we were in St. Croix New Years Day... shhh it was still a secret!! (Sighhh, hi skinny self. I didn't appreciate you like I should have!)

Normally you wait 12 weeks to announce, but after we saw the little wiggle worm at 8 weeks it was hard to keep it a secret much longer!

Valentine's Day 2014! 

14 weeks was when I really started to feel like I was showing! (Now I think I was insane) but people definitely started with the comments at this point!!

We went to a great place called StorkVision in Brentwood, TN to find out the gender of our little bambino! I can't say enough nice things about them, they were fantastic! After lotssss of back and forth, Sutton Davis Simmons was set! Davis was Jacob's great grandfather's name, and his wife is still with us!

Sutton flexing his muscles when we found out he was a boy!

Aunt Michelle and Uncle Jacob came to visit, and Sutton and Lily Cate got their first picture together! This is the first of about 10 million I am sure!!!

April 7th Sutton was 1/2 way there! I get plenty of comments at this point about my size :) plentyyyy...no really, I get it! I'm showing a lot!

Chaperoning Prom at 22 weeks... what is wrong with me?! It was super fun to remind all of the teenagers as they were leaving the consequences of certain after prom activities though ;)

The last week of April makes 23 weeks!! I definitely feel large and in charge and strangers comment constantly! I can feel him move and kick on a regular basis now though, which is really fun! I'm sure in another 5-10 weeks I will look back and call myself crazy for thinking this is huge! At this point I'm getting some hip and back pain, but overall feeling good and sleeping well! Sleep is actually my #1 favorite hobby. To everyone who had the "magical 2nd trimester" where they felt so energized, I'm jealous! 

May 26th- 27 weeks, the last week of the 2nd trimester! Loving that I am out of school for summer and real pants are not required for daily life! Click here for week 27 update

Every week I think I'm hugeeeee.... it's not until I look back at these that I realize I was not, in fact, huge...and now am! See above and below comparison haha

June 30th- It was really weird to me at this point that Sutton would have weighed more than I did at birth! (I was 3.5 pounds). I felt like I had sooo much longer to go, I couldn't imagine him being this early like I was! 

July 21st- It has been awesome being home all summer! I'm sort of dreading working the last 4 weeks, but I really can't complain! I've had 8 weeks to rest and take my sweet (read lazy) time getting everything ready for Sutton!! Sleep is like a unicorn at this point. I want to believe it exists, but at this point I have my doubts. Big guy is getting extremely heavy and my feet, lets and hips feel it constantly! He also continues to hang out in my ribs, which used to just be uncomfortable but now is making breathing pretty difficult. I'm definitely to the point where I feel like I'm about 35 years pregnant, instead of 35 weeks!

Jacob started a radio tour last week, so he will be gone for around 2 months and only home for about 24 hours on the weekends. He's been away basically every week for a few days since around April, but this is the longest stretch for sure! It's definitely been challenging having him gone so much, but I'm so proud of him and even more excited that he gets to live his dream. :) When I tell people this, they look at me like I'm crazy! I'd be lying if I said it's easy and I'm 100% fine with it, but I would much rather miss him and know he gets to do what he loves as a career, than have him here working a job he hates! That's what I signed on for from day 1, and that's what marriage is! It's not easy, but it's definitely worth it!

The anxiety is reallyyyy setting in about delivery at this point, so please pray that he will be here and everything will be stress free! I do not need a dramatic birth story, I'm great with a boring one! I'm dramatic enough for all of us :)

Love,

Caty and Sutton