"Here's Someone Who Had a Baby That Looks Exactly Like Someone Who Had a Baby"

There are 2 things that prompted me to write this blog. First, coincidentally, one of my students tweeted this to me yesterday at random. 

This year I've had to deal with some things as a teacher and a coach I wasn't prepared for that goes right along with this. My co-workers and I have talked about this subject at length this year. We all feel we are doing a HUGE disservice to this generation by not having conversation after conversation with them about cyberbullying, sexting, etc. I've seen first hand that it is a massive problem now, and this is SUCH a huge part of the culture that teenagers are growing up with. How often do you see in the media a child taking their own life because of cyberbullying or sexting. Taking. Their. Life. Seriously. It's that big of a deal. Sidenote, if you have a child old enough to have social media, you need to be having constant conversations about this. CONSTANT. They are submerged in it every single day, and if you don't think they are you're just wrong. I love you, but you're wrong.

Second, my sister posted this in response to an article about Kelly Clarkson I'll explain below. I couldn't have phrased it any better.

If you pay attention to entertainment news as closely as I do (yeah...judge me) you've most likely seen an article in the last few days about a reallll jerk "journalist" named Katie slamming Kelly Clarkson for being "fat." For those of you who have less embarrassing things to do with your free time, let me sum it up. She tweeted,

"Jesus, what happened to Kelly Clarkson? Did she eat all of her backing singers? Happily I have wide-screen. #grahamnorton" 

At first I'm thinking, ok we all say stupid things for humor we don't mean. Lord knows if I was ever followed around with a camera my family would probably disown me. However, then she "defended" herself by saying 

"Kelly Clarkson is now a chunky monkey, if we're putting it kindly. She does look like she's eaten her backup singers. My advice: she needs to get out there with her stroller and do some pushing and get some of that weight off. We give fat really cute names, don't we? We have baby weight, puppy fat, love handles, muffin top, chunky monkey—ultimately these are all nice names for something that's not very nice...You're supporting Kelly Clarkson because everybody likes to have a fat friend, because the great thing about a fat friend is it makes you feel slimmer."

My first thought was language I shouldn't include because I teach high school and like my job and all. My second thought was, I feel bad for you Katie whatever your name is. You're so engrossed in this crazy celebrity fascination we all have that you can't even separate yourself from it and realize Kelly Clarkson is a real freaking person.

Excuse me "journalist" Katie, but Kelly Clarkson grew a human being. In between, oh I don't know, keeping that human being alive and winning a heck of a lot of grammys, maybe she doesn't have time to "get out there with her stroller." I refuse to use your whole name, because in a brief google search it appears you loveeee seeking out controversy, and the last thing I want is to give you what you want. It also appears you have no children of your own. Let me just speak for every person who has sacrificed their body to produce the greatest thing that has ever happened to them, you are the worst type of human. You are judging something you have never done. You are criticizing someone you have never met. Everywhere we look there is someone else telling us to feel bad about ourselves. 

Want to know what I looked like 8 months pregnant? 

 

But guess what, I gave birth to the most perfect creature imaginable, so suck it model. 100% my baby is more awesome than yours, and this beached whale was worth it. 

Don't even get me started on photoshop, but holy freaking crap. Every time you turn around it's like someone is screaming at you "FEEL BAD FOR YOURSELF." I love campaigns like Dove's real beauty and the "Like a Girl" campaign. Holler at Cindy Crawford, it takes courage to embrace this in a world of what you see above! PS, you look great guh!

Just once, I'd love to see a celebrity that refused to be photoshopped. Stop making young girls have completely unrealistic expectations of themselves. Stop making moms who already have crazy hormones and insecurity issues feel bad, when instead they should feel freaking awesome.

On days that I get really sad about my stretch marks and pizza dough-like tummy, I look at this face. It was all worth it to have this in my life. *yes he is licking my face.

To quote Kelly Clarkson's response to this horrible woman, "That's because she doesn't know me. I'm awesome!" You are awesome Kelly Clarkson (Also you live down the street from where I teach, we should totally be BFF's). Anywhoooo....

I hope we all keep the conversation going that what you say behind a computer screen DOES matter. It is all the same! Would she have said the exact same thing to Kelly's face? I'd put money on the fact that she wouldn't. We have to teach the generation behind us that words are words. Face to face or on a screen, you are accountable for what you say. Humor is great, and we should all take a chill pill sometimes and stop being so easily offended. However, there is a big difference between humor and mean. What this cruel woman said wasn't funny. If you think it was funny, reevaluate yourself. It sends a terrible message to everyone. Stop being so desensitized to the fact that you're not looking at them face to face. What this woman said makes her coward, and I don't respond well to cowards and bullies. 

I'd say this to your face Journalist Katie, no last name. You're a coward and a jerk. I hope somehow you read this and reevaluate your life. If you really don't understand the ramifications of words, please google "teen suicide." I'm in the business of teaching teenagers that they are smart and awesome. You should use the platform you've been given to do the same.

*drops the mic.

The Social Media Mom

Snow days = lots of time to sit around with my thoughts. You know what happens when that occurs... blogs. 

We live in a day and time when connecting with friends and family is literally in the palm of our hands. We don't have to rely on yearly Christmas cards or wait on visits to see how much has changed. For me, this makes living in Tennessee when almost everyone I know and love lives in Louisiana much easier! I am probably the queen of over posting. Do not follow my Instagram if you don't want to see an obnoxious amount of pictures of the most precious baby you've ever laid eyes on (not up for discussion). I'm saying all this to say social media is great... However, can we all give each other a freaking break? 

While social media connects us and gives us a sense of belonging when we can't be face to face, it can also make us feel like complete crap.I feel like I try to post real life. Do I take 97 pictures of my kid and post the best one where he looks like he's a model while the other 96 he's having a total meltdown? Absolutely! But I try not to pretend like it's always a cake walk. Case in point, Christmas pictures and stomach virus. I'm pretty sure the caption I posted with the vomit was "Party On" as this was around the 17th time I was covered in vomit that week.

Sometimes I think, especially for moms, we can be really insensitive to others that read our posts. I say we because I'm 100% sure I'm guilty of this too. I'm not saying we should all walk on our tip toes and hold our breath hoping not to offend, but just be aware! If you want to play an April fools joke, maybe don't post you're pregnant when you're not. I can remember a friend telling me how much it destroyed her to see people joking about being pregnant when they were struggling with infertility. I think it's great you get to go do all kind of fun things with and without your baby, but living 500 miles away from family makes that a lot harder for me. Then I feel awful for neglecting my relationship with my husband. I feel awesome for you that your 2 week old is sleeping through the night...until I have a 2 week old that isn't. Then at that point I want to throw things at you. (disclaimer: this is not me calling anyone out...these are random examples) 

I think when we post/read we need to think about 2 main things. 

1. what are my intentions with this post? Am I just trying to brag or am I honestly excited because my husband did something sweet, I went somewhere cool, or my child hit a milestone, etc? If I think I may be getting to the bragging stage, I try to pump the breaks. That being said, don't let anyone steal your joy. If you have a dang 2 week old who is sleeping through the night, that is something anyone would be excited about! If people don't like your post...well I'll get to that in a second.
2. Am I overly sensitive about this particular subject, or was the post actually offensive?

My touchy subject lately has been breastfeeding. If you want to post a selfie while you do it to bring awareness and show the world how great it is, more power to you! I'm all for it being normalized and for women to have manyyy more rights than do currently when it comes to feeding their child. However, sometimes the way people say it plain makes me feel like crap. Great that your making it look sooo easy and natural, but in reality it more than likely took some serious work on your part. At first it probably wasn't easy and natural, but you'd never know this from your posts about it. This set it up to be a huge shock to me when it was so hard! For me, it was a terrible experience and I had a ton of guilt about not being able to do it. I didn't understand what was wrong with me that it wasn't a walk in the park and that I didn't just love it and feel so bonded.  Every time I saw someone post about how awesome it is and how it's the greatest gift you can give your baby etc I felt so much guilt and shame. I understand the push to let everyone know how great it is (and I'm 100% not saying that it isn't) but dang when you constantly see things about "natures perfect food" and "breast is best" it makes you feel like a horrible mother. I mean every single formula commercial even has a disclaimer now about how breastfeeding is better. Sometimes I feel bombarded by messages that say I'm a big fat failure. I'm perfectly fine with my decision now, but dang it's like pouring lemon juice in a paper cut reading about it constantly. Clearly I am overly sensitive about this issue!

Let me follow that up by saying I know that no one posts things like that to hurt feelings. Just the opposite, most people have probably never thought about it. I know I've posted things that have hurt feelings (cough cough vaccines, we all know how I feel). But that, friends, is the real beauty of social media. If someone posts things that upset me, I can just unfollow them and chose not to see it! :) 

I'm all for social media. If you follow me you know that, and I hate to see people made to feel guilty about sharing their lives on it. I can't imagine having to mail pictures to my parents or sister for them to see my baby! I just hope we can all start to be a little more real and make our social media lives more closely match our real lives! Of course you don't want to post how horrible everything is going, nor does anyone want to read that constantly. But dangit let's support each other. Embrace the chaos. Learn to laugh at ourselves and not take everything so seriously. Prime example, my friend Angie's Christmas card picture. Real life with a 2 week old and I absolutely love it! Anyone who has ever had a baby can relate so closely to this, and it's awesome.

Let's post the good with the bad. If we're using social media to keep up with people we truly care about, then I want to know if you're having a rough time! I want to be able to offer support to my friends when they need it. Hopefully then we all won't feel like we are the only ones who don't live Pinterest perfect lives!